The Rawness of New

I am peeled back, exposed, shaking. My new skin is stinging as though salt has been rubbed in.
No salve to cover, protect, love me through this transition. The Changing of The Guard.
Wait... where is my Instruction Manual? No one gave me the directions on how to move forward in this part of life. It hurts. I would cry to mama, but that would be fruitless. Mama's heart never learned how to open.
Her daughter, that would be me, the youngest girl, still weeps tears from wanting. To be held, rocked,told ,"I love you," without me prompting, forcing , cajoling, pleading.
This will never be, it is not that my head does not register , my heart has always had such a hard time catching up.

Frances' Daughter has a broken heart. It is time to leave my past behind and to move forward. I am sad, scared,feel more alone than ever. My Magical Toolbox from childhood, that every child somehow in my mind possesses is empty. No more clinging to fantasies of "What if's,"or "Why not?" It is done. Carrying around that pain, repeating the same lessons, people, parental figures, it's time to say goodbye.
I am frightened like a child. My tears come from so deep in my soul. I weep freely, they cleanse and heal so I can move forward. I have feared so greatly... The Part 2 of my life.
Part 1 marrying Ray, having Matt and Katie, raising them. My family is my greatest joy. They fill my heart like nobody's business. My beautiful family wants more for me now. As they all move forward with their lives, they want Mama Bear to, as well. I have been afraid, but I know is time. I have been their Mama from Day 1. I now know I always will be, and my Raym's wife. All is well. It is time for me to go back out into the world. Pack my lunch pail, play with the other kids on the playground.I have worked hard to become ME. It is my time to go explore.

It is time to offer my life experiences now. I am ready. I know I am wrapped in the warmest blanket of love by this amazing family. I am ready to my take a leap of faith.