Polar Bears

I never met my father-in-law, yet he has lived in our home, our hearts for many years.
He has been dead for so long, yet   he felt so alive to us through pain. The pain I have seen in my husbands eyes. That pain is beginning to lift.
Ray was listening to the song today, "Mr Wendal." It was the first time I saw him connect to his father in a very human way. He said after the song.... "My father was a Mr Wendal." That is how my story really begins. Ray's father became a homeless man in Central Park, in New York City,  living near the Zoo.
Polar Bear became his nickname.   Ray was a boy of thirteen when his father left his family. It had been building for many years. His father was an alcoholic, both parents   eventually became alcoholics, but mother stopped drinking. Papa Spencer unfortunately did not. He moved into the garage, and finally into another home altogether. The drinking ramped up, and the bank account  cleared out.

Off to New York  Al Spencer's next journey would be.  That was the last the Spencer boys ever heard or saw of their father. Ill equipped to deal with life as she now knew it, Ray's mother panicked. Sold the furniture, their belongings and a life of welfare, fear, and panic would be a very common theme for this family.  Ray's father had torn quite a bit of the house a part in the earlier years, while the family was away for the summer in Nebraska. That would be Ray's safe haven with Grandpa Petersen. Normalcy, consistency, bellying up at the Hotel Dale counter. Learning to drink his first cup o' joe with Grandpa Petersen. Summers with  Grandpa were Ray's pure joy ~ childhood.

 One particular summer on Ray's return home from Nebraska he found he  no longer had a bedroom.  Ray's father, in a very bold and creative mood started to remodel their home ~ then simply stopped. That was that. Ray soon moved to the attic. He was a very young boy and the conditions  he lived in would have anyone evicted in a home today.  My heart hurts for my husband, having seen the environment he grew up in. On the glass is half full side..... I know that is what made him who he is today. The brilliant, introspective, feeling human being that is limitless in his thinking. Sitting in that attic with just his imagination and some building blocks, he created his own world. He could put together anything. Soon would come the models and his love for trains. I think that's why he has that amazing left/ right brain balance.

As I sat today watching him, listening to this song," Mr Wendal," about a homeless man, not so far removed from what Ray has tried to outrun.  That The Polar Bear he has joked about.... that we both have is not out of cruelty. It is out of survival and so much loss and pain. Having to grow up at 13 years old and put his childhood away forever because his parents no longer were capable of being parents, and he knew it.  Choosing to hideout in a filthy attic rather than hear your mother ~ knowing something is very wrong with her as well.

I am in awe of this man I am married to, not only because he is my husband. He is just an amazing person. He would be one of my best friends, regardless. He  has taught me so much with his quiet dignity.  Against all odds. The way his mind creates,  the way he keeps rebuilding himself, recreating a better human being.  Always seeking truth. I respect him so much. Peeling away the layers from the past is never easy, especially when it is so painful. Standing shoulder to shoulder with his father.... Albert Spencer. Yes, he was a homeless man in Central Park and died that way. But he also was  an amazing artist who taught my husband even through his genes, sensitivity. How to feel, to paint, draw, create, to be passionate. Two great artists. The more we peel away the layers to this man and know his pain.  It doesn't take away the pain from a lifetime Raymond felt.... but with understanding, my husband and myself are learning a new level of compassion, empathy not only for this artistic soul, Albert Spencer, Ray's father the man I have never met.  For ourselves as well, and others like us.