Hawaiian Paradise

This story  was written in August  1999. It was about the death of our stillborn twin girls, and the Doctor who fully abandoned me in her care. We went to Hawaii  for a week  that Spring for a little healing. Our girls would be 16 in February.

Hawaiian Paradise

It is so okay with you to just pass it on. Like a hot potato, you don't want to keep it in your possession.Why of course, just pass it on.  Your shame, your denial, throw it my way. I say crank up the volume.You like cranking it up .... but I see, better me than you.

No matter how how wonderful the tropical drink, the pains too great to bear. I lay in the pool so soothing,  then  look up and see plastic  perfection.

Looking down I see a mound of flesh attached to my carcass, the pool no longer soothes me. I don't want to get out  but  The Director and Starlet are sitting right in front of me.

The ache is greater, why are we here? This Paradise, why did we come, nothing will sooth this pain. The ache grows, take me back to the room. Medicate me, cover me, protect me.

Instead... you open the sliding glass door. The breeze blows and comforts me.

The sun now setting... glows and warms me and I calm down. I realize where else would I want to be?

I feel it all, cry and am sleepy as you hold me  in your arms. I let down just for a minute... in my Hawaiian Paradise.

Venom Soup

 I wrote this July 28th 2003. I was just looking through my old writings this morning....
I was a very uplifting writer. That is a joke. It has taken me until now to write the way I do. I had a lot of demons and anger, hurt to unleash. So telling the truth is the only way I have known to get here. This is part of it, as I will put some of my old stuff out now. Only by accepting our past can we reclaim all of ourselves and become whole.  The point is not to accept this recipe from anyone.... ever.  I am sitting here very hesitant to put this out, because this is a big part of who I am, and what it has taken in my process to become me. It is dark, angry, hopeless. That was me. It has been many years  to let go, forgive heal. It takes time, patience and a lot of  courage to be who you are.

Venom Soup

Not for the light hearted this fare will fill you up and then some.The most important ingredient is the base. A thick murky brown water, toxins a plenty from the earths surface. Slush, rage, and a dash of despondency mixed nicely with a sword to the heart.

A heaping helping of natures toxic veggie. Shame coated in a nice garlic sauce accompanied with a zesty lemon zinger. Hatred.Stir ingredients over open wound until unbearable.Then turn up the heat until the heart is ready to explode in grief.Just when the desired medley comes to a  bubbling cauldron of fear, simmer til sadness and loathing forms creating a nice foamy soup.
Who wants seconds?