Hawaiian Paradise

This story  was written in August  1999. It was about the death of our stillborn twin girls, and the Doctor who fully abandoned me in her care. We went to Hawaii  for a week  that Spring for a little healing. Our girls would be 16 in February.

Hawaiian Paradise

It is so okay with you to just pass it on. Like a hot potato, you don't want to keep it in your possession.Why of course, just pass it on.  Your shame, your denial, throw it my way. I say crank up the volume.You like cranking it up .... but I see, better me than you.

No matter how how wonderful the tropical drink, the pains too great to bear. I lay in the pool so soothing,  then  look up and see plastic  perfection.

Looking down I see a mound of flesh attached to my carcass, the pool no longer soothes me. I don't want to get out  but  The Director and Starlet are sitting right in front of me.

The ache is greater, why are we here? This Paradise, why did we come, nothing will sooth this pain. The ache grows, take me back to the room. Medicate me, cover me, protect me.

Instead... you open the sliding glass door. The breeze blows and comforts me.

The sun now setting... glows and warms me and I calm down. I realize where else would I want to be?

I feel it all, cry and am sleepy as you hold me  in your arms. I let down just for a minute... in my Hawaiian Paradise.