Process of Elimination

As I am getting ready to pack up from our Napa Trip....I am wondering so many things. First, we have one more day to go- yet I can't thing of anything more I'd like than to be  home. We have been away four days and that is more enough for me. I miss our kids, our home, our life. I realize more than ever what a home dweller I am, getting more and more dug in every day. The public me and the private me are two different gals- have we ever even met?
            One so bubbly and light hearted when in public, the true Leo- everyones friend. In private, I am quiet, have lunch by myself often, write, create, think. A lot. My brain does not turn off. Especially at night when the rest of the world says.... "Its night night time,"my brain says,"What's up?" Poor Ray-just when he lays his head on the pillow after on a long hard day, he knows better. He sees me fall asleep on the couch like a sweet baby kitten mewing so gently.But once my paws hit the sheets, I am a mountain lion ready to pounce.  I have so many things to discuss, and fast. I get so revved up, and as the night goes on.... my brain goes even faster. It feels as though someone is pouring coffee into the top of my head, just lifting my scalp open and there I go.
             This trip has told us more than anything what we don't want. It's not that it hasn't been a interesting drive. We have seen the most beautiful sights, had wonderful conversations. But I thought clarity would just fall into our laps as I have heard from other people when they have moved and have had life changes. They "just knew."  They found the house, met the people, it fell into their laps. None of the above has happened. We are in the process of elimination. Are we just too picky? Holding on too tight? Not ready for change? I don't have any answers for these questions. I do know I want another way of living, every day I let go to let the answers to reveal a  deeper truth. I try to be as fearless as possible. I am an impatient traveler in life.... this I know.
           As James Taylor sings in "The Secret of Life," one of my all time favorite songs-"The Secret of life is enjoying the passage of time, any fool can do it, there aint nothing to it. Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill, planets spinning in space- a smile upon your face.... try not to try too hard, it's just a lovely ride."