Blue Eye Shadow and Gladys Kravitz

I should have known as I heard those words ringing in my ears.
It couldn't, wouldn't and wasn't going to be good by any stretch of the imagination. Baby on my hip, a four year old tightly gripping my hand, down the steps, slowly, s-l-o-w-l-y  we go.
"Oh, the neighbor seems nice, I think you will get along great, and your kids are about the same age,"the realtor belted out over and over. Hmmm. Leaning, slumped over the wall between our two houses... there she blew, "Blue Eye Shadow."The name came a little later, I will admit, but the picture of her remained in my mind, right there .... instantly.Tight perm, ungodly amount of blue eye shadow, and some sort of  shiftette rig I had not seen in some time,  decade? (This does put a smile on my face as I write, my typing seems to have  picked up, second cup of java didn't hurt either.)  She started the litany of rules -what we could do together. Was the room spinning? Wait we are outdoors, was that the sky spinning? We had just moved in and all I  thought was whoa..... and get me out of here. On the other side was another interesting gal. No, I am kidding. Before we even moved in, a war had begun with some of the other neighbors and this doll.
(Okay, I am laughing again.) I have to just jump in..... this woman was your nightmare from hell-petitions for this, petitions for that. She started a war with the neighbor behind us, so the fence surrounding our property became a war between them, before we ever got there. ( We would have never moved in had there not been a fence- being  a very busy street,  two small children in tow)
When it came time to sell,  moving along little doggie- I no longer cared anymore- she literally put her foot in our front door, blocking me from closing it.  I'd had enough, good girl could take no more.  She simply wouldn't leave- I tried slamming the door on her foot, and very loudly stated, "Get out of my house Gladys Kravitz" ( Nosy neighbor from Bewitched) Ray and the kids were in the background just bewildered that mama had just gone wild on our neighbor, "Gladys Kravitz." She no longer knew what to do, I was even shocked by myself, enough was enough, and off she finally went.... silent, mouth agape. This  beast would roam the hood, day or night  clipboard  in hand, looking for infractions to take to the City Council Meetings- each and every week. If someone parked their RV- even in their own driveway, she would call the Sheriff. She would look up what Code it violated, yep she was a Peach, you might say Belle of The Ball. Oh they knew "Gladys", at the Council meetings....knew her well. Probably needed a flask to get them through, probably passed it around.
Ray and I would sit on the Patio at night when we knew she was listening....meaning always. I  would"talk" about how great it was "Swinging", loved all the partners we had, appreciated in particular he didn't mind I  swung both ways.... I said  anything and everything, with not a crack in my voice. He would respond with how much he enjoyed my way of living, that it was just right. We should try more things, and invite different couples and people over.  We could practically hear her excitable breathing, then we would go in the house and  chuckle, we knew she hung on every word we said. She was that secret voyeur kind.... stirred up trouble, but thought she was really hearing "the goods " on us. I am sure she did hear some interesting stuff, knowing the things we say and don't think about.
Ray made up stories far better than mine, such a great story teller- always has been. I'm pretty boring, it's his delivery... just dry, which makes it even funnier, I had a hard time not laughing very hard. I would go inside-  see her- perched- waiting on her back steps  to hear more.
We had no privacy on either side--- with huge backyards and neighbors  into watching what anyone was doing. Good times.
On Tuesday nights I would babysit so "The Shadow" and Hubby could go to rehearsals for "Bells" at Church. I think she would put on a little fancier frock,  get a little dolled up. I  dreaded Tuesday nights.... the only thing that got me through it- she had enormous amounts of candy and sweets in the house. She was forever on Weight Watchers, yet had so much sugar and junk food  in the house, I was in heaven. I would put the kids to bed, call Ray ( next door) bitching my head off about being next door... why wasn't he? while eating massive amounts of candy, then repositioning the rest  of the stash so she wouldn't notice what I had eaten. Soon enough, I was high as a kite from the sugar- all was well.
That is how I would get through Tuesday Nights at Blue Eye Shadows. The only reason I would do it,
we could go out on Saturday Nights....she would babysit. One time when Katie was under two, ( near Christmas time) she got into Blue Eye Shadows candy bowl on her coffee table, what child wouldn't? This infuriated Blue..... she had to let me know... Katie was not going with the program.
Her son used to walk into our house throughout the years- no knocking,  just walk in, sit down, ask what was to eat, what's for dessert, etc.  He'd walk in the back yard, steal things, that is why it was so funny,"The rules". Always rules upon rules upon rules.... only during breakfast this morning, talking to Ray did I even remember all of this. Blue Eye Shadow, condensed by Ray- to simply"Shadrack", had become our CPA.  She would gossip about other neighbors, peoples finances, judging how they lived, etc.We definitely were not living the way she thought appropriate by any stretch, now she knew our finances! At this point now she had simply become 'The Rack"
Ray and I are  not fighters on the whole- this is one area where it was very uncomfortable...."The Rack"... not because she was sporting one, trust me -Ray's name for her.

Ray was asking me where all the tax stuff was this morning, that is why I remembered.The interesting thing living next door to her, all the rules, and I thought I was supposed to follow them to be good. Sandwiched between two complete fear based gals.... which only now am I identifying, it was a rough ride. I learned a lot about who I was becoming, letting go of my own fears. Still in my twenties, a young mother, just trying to find my way. Moving on to the street we are now on.... almost thirteen years later, again have learned some good sized lessons. When we moved in to the house we now reside in, we were in an extremely quiet place in our lives. There was no one that we could say to, "Hey look at this house we just bought," no one to bounce it off before we purchased it. I wanted the house simply because it reminded me of "The Brady Bunch", right down to the cul de sac. It was a few notches above a tear down when we bought it, had we thought about it we wouldn't have I am sure. Thirteen years later, putting our heart and souls into it, it has served us well and I am grateful. We have watched our children grow, prosper, there has been deep love in this home. I am getting ready to let go once again - I  can feel it, move on, get ready for another adventure, Ray as well. We have grown, learned, just as we have stripped away so much with this house, applied many coats of new paint, life to this house, so too with ourselves. This house has been painful, and a great blessing at the same time. Without the contrast of Blue Eye Shadow and Gladys Kravitz-  thinking about them today,  I wouldn't be able to look back and see how far I have come.  So many years of quiet up against these beautiful foothills, I have found my voice.