Billy The Kid and Lamb Chop too.

My daughter had this book for the longest time that I would stare at- her books always fascinate me. "Men who love bitches,"hmmm, catchy title. I would look at it, kick it around, and finally awhile back I opened it. She bought this years ago,  the reader that she is- having been in a very Bukowski faze through high school, we would sit and read together his books. I think his writing got me to want to really deeply express myself. Granted he was one angry, hurt guy, cussed incessantly ( I know I know my guilty pleasure) and loved detailing his sexcapades. Who's not down for that one, especially Bukowski style?  "Men Who love Bitches", my mind began to wander back to high school,    imagining some of the gal pals this book may have been intended for. Exactly, the ones that fascinated this gal.
 As I write this I can't help but think of my darling friend Jimmy, really the first boy I  became friends with in high school, to this day we are still close. We went through a number of years not  being in contact, he moved away, then about six years ago we reconnected. Jimmy, I do believe this story is in honor of you. Freshman year, coming in late  well into the second semester - and there was Jimmy.
Two years older than me, starting in with some joke- and yes hard for anyone to believe now, I could barely look up  let alone utter a word.  Jimmy just made it better, was funny, and never once was the kind of friend to ever make me think of a book about "Men Who Love Bitches." He just didn't roll that way, and I am so grateful my first high school male friend treated me with respect, humor and dignity.
 It didn't stop me from watching what was  going on around me. Being very quiet, new( wasn't quiet with those closest around me) I  just observed mannerisms, a trait that has stayed with me to this very day. The most popular and  absolute rejects of society fascinated me to no end. I think the latter kept kept my attention longer. There was" Billy The Kid" I  I lovingly named- I don't know she just reminded me of Billy The Kid..... it was her hair. Lamb had super Lamb chop sideburns,was very theatrical  with his theatrical homeys in the Quad. This is where I could have lived, truth be known. These theatrical groupies citing fake Shakespearean accents loudly rocked my world.  Especially when Lamb did it, he was my favorite.  Now I  have lost interest in the popular crew, I am thinking about those sideburns and just want to gaze at them in my yearbook, take a spin at with "Billy The Kid" again. She is Ray's favorite, as I have pointed her out at least once in real life, as he says, "Oh I definitely  see what you mean."
It was something about that popular crew, maybe the air they breathed was generated from a different land than the rest of us. I just knew I was  from the  "regular crew," sealed my fate the day one of my friends from my St. Luke's  days  (previous school) lovingly took me aside ( definitely kidding) let me know if I continued to "hang out " with one  particular girl, she could not get me in the popular group. Okay, so I am only fourteen, but I have plenty of super hard headed Italian steam in my head. I am sure I gave a very good fake smile, by  the next day probably gathered many a Billy The Kid, Lamb Chop and various others to strut through school. I sealed my fate with that one.
It did get somewhat lonely trying to figure my place, I have always just liked who I liked. 
One of my friends she did like her drugs, wasn't my thing but I liked her. The other was a Church Addict..... seriously, talk about polar opposites! Those were my two closest friends through high school, neither went to my school, and didn't like each other, so I did more observing and trying to figure out where I belonged while at school.
The Men Who Love Bitches..... I just didn't know how to play the game. I was Frances' daughter,  a simple gal who was used to wearing a uniform to school everyday. I was the only sibling  who veered from all girl or boy Catholic High School and  now and was struggling with it all, especially  in the clothes department. My mom gave me fifty dollars to buy my clothes for the year. Hmm, I wandered on over to Miller  Outpost at the mall. "Dittos,  a type of popular girls pants in the 7o's were nearly forty bucks. I did the best I could do, but I bought those dittos, you know I did. I  put together any combo known to mankind,  borrowed, rifled, used hand me downs, I didn't care, I was desperate.  I self consciously scooted my way down  the halls through the lockers  each morning only eye contact - the dots on the floor.
A funny thing I remember this one girl would say to me, " You always have the cutest clothes.
A. My first reaction..... keep your voice down someone will hear.
B. Right
C. I am so embarrassed  I wish I could disappear.
Never did I think, wow, what a nice compliment, she really likes my clothes. I had nothing to compare it to, I felt so in it alone. I still have that first reaction to a compliment- trying to get  out grow that one! The great lesson I learned from that, desperation is the true mother of invention and  served me well throughout my life. I passed it on to my daughter, hopefully in a more creative form- having fun and looking at what is not there, make your own magic. Katie is amazing with creations, art, design  and is definitely one of a kind.
I still like strange funky stores, I am a gal who loves diamonds in the rough, with people , places and things.
Yes, I wanted to be those shiny diamonds I saw walking around- more than you could possibly imagine. I had no idea who I was,  until pushed!
Thanks Jimmy for making that scared freshman girl feel okay in her own skin.