Bittersweet

I can't remember, in all my Concert going days, a concert that I have felt, been a part of, more than last nights....Kenny Loggins with The Glendale Symphony.  It was called "A Night of Romance."  When I ordered the tickets awhile ago I thought perfect, so close to Valentines Day, this is the ideal gift since Raym and I are such Kenny Loggins fans. We have been to more of his Concerts  through the years than probably anyone one else.

When the Conductor  began to lead the Orchestra, all my senses came to life again. It had been so long since I have heard such beautiful music live. Then The Man himself came out. What I love about Kenny Loggins is his constant change, growth, evolution. I have never seen him so natural, relaxed,just plain real. I have been to many a concert in my days where he would tell us (the audience) how to feel, how to be, buy his album. Loved his music, but it just didn't feel as good as last night.

Probably was hitting a little to close to home the trippy~ness of my own life.  Mirror Mirror on the Wall. Reflecting back what I didn't want to look at, but needed to see bigger than life to understand. Last night his voice was so raw, so earthy, pure magic. He let us into his soul, took us for the ride, helped us poke around inside ours for the evening. Buckle up was not even in the vocabulary. Hang on, he just took us there, sang the songs that were important to him. It was amazing, you could feel how true he stayed to himself... as we the audience reaped the benefits.

He shared the behind-the-scenes writing of Pooh Corner, as a high school senior.  The third verse of Return to Pooh Corner was recently written for his fourth child's birth.  Coming full circle Back to Pooh Corner as so many of us have. What got to me as it always does.... Celebrate Me Home.

Kenny is a local boy having grown up two cities over from where I grew up. It always helps me understand where he comes from when he sings. His father used to be a customer at the restaurant I worked at in Alhambra. Ca. He used to sit at the counter, order coffee and pie same thing every day. I didn't really pay attention to be honest. I was 16, and he seemed like an old man muttering, I had enough of that going on in my life.

That brings me back to  Celebrate Me Home.  He dedicated it to someone who had recently died, whose family was in the audience. With the orchestra in the back ground, Kenny singing it like I have never heard ( I have played that sucker thousands of times ).....  I just could't hold my emotions together any longer. I thought about the Bittersweetness in my life right now. The reason my life is working, I am succeeding, I am celebrating myself home. I can no longer go  back home, there is no home for me. Too much damage~ to go back will only keep opening a wound I have finally allowed to heal after all these years. I cried for myself, my parents, not because I don't love them.... but because I have to do what is right for my family, for me. That is Celebrating Me Home for all of us.  I kept looking for validation, love~ even at this age, hoping for something that just cannot come. I have finally become parent to myself.

Taking care of myself, not wishing myself harm, loving myself,  letting people love me, that is the true celebration of what Kenny sang about.  I sang with an audience last night over and over.... Celebrate Me Home. As the tears overflowed in that dark theatre, I was letting go of myths, pain that I no longer need to carry. That is the greatest tribute I could give my parents and myself.