Everything Is Alright

The past couple of weeks have been some really difficult ones for me. For various reasons.
Mainly because I am stepping into a new phase of my life. Physically, I am very tired from doing nonstop work. My immune system goes down in these situations. I am in a catch 22. I want all the past to be in the past in one fell swoop, each stage I go through. I have a delicate immune system. I am working on this more than ever, good health is  what  am ready to solely focus on.
It has taken a beating over the years. I can focus on that more now.There just have been so many areas to cover in my life. So many fires to put out. Fortunately part of an incredible team I have had is Linda.
I have been going to her for seven years, she is one fabulous kinesiologist. She has helped rebalance me
on every level~ more time than I can say. This morning will be yet another time, after I finish this writing I will be sitting in her cozy office, laughing enjoying her company. She is a gem.
My body has been at a weakened state for several weeks, but I have kept going. With chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, not the smartest thing to do. I have been at a very good place with both of them, and believe I will be free of them soon enough. For now, I have to deal with one very tired and achy body.

Part of dealing with all of this, is being true to myself. Not what others words are anymore. Mine.
My voice, not approval from the well meaning. I have been there my whole life. That is over.
Mutual respect and support time. Or nothing. I have lived ten lifetimes just in recent years. I have plenty to say. I am realizing my value.   I know the tremendous courage it has now taken me. I have crossed through my raging river this week. It has been quite treacherous.
I have shed many tears and felt very alone, once again. Nobody could help me or do this, but me.
It has been the finishing chapter to get to the next. You've got to take the bitter with the sweet.
I have never understood or appreciated that more. I will never stop saying  how I feel.
If it is negative at times, or too dark~ than go find another friend. This  is part of the package
you get, for having the full Clare experience. I cannot possibly be all light and sunshine.
I am loving, fun, dark, irritating, very quirky, prone to sadness and full of laughter. That is what happens when a person is deeply sensitive. I am finally accepting that side of me. I will not put a smile on my face constantly. That was the death of me.
This is my declaration. That is what has kept my body sick. No can do! I did that as a child,
as we drove to church. Smile...... church faces. Even though warfare had come right before, and after.

I am making my declarations, yes. Before I did not see my value. I do now. I am now choosing what is important to me.  I only have so much energy. I have overlooked that, with this fragile immune system I am dealing with. I have not respected myself. I have put others needs first, always. No wonder my body has had no chance to heal. I have not allowed it. Today when I visit Linda, the Kinesiologist,
I will find out what my body really needs NOW~ Today~ and honor it.

I have let go of years of thoughts, feelings, people in the past few weeks. It has been difficult.
 It would be difficult for anyone. I want love. I am ready. I give love, I need to let down and receive, trust in love. Equal love. Not needy. I have equal from my husband, more than. I need to give back to him so much more. He has sustained me, protected me, so I could do this work. He has loved me in the truest most unselfish sense of the word. Now it is time to take care of my body. I have taken care of my
emotional, spiritual, for so long. My body has lagged. Something had to give, with each jolt, change.
Every fear I faced. I had to feel it somewhere, it had to come out. It has, for years in my body.
My receptacle is worn, frazzled. Great repair is needed. My soul and spirit have healed and mended.
I have let down my walls, and come to a place of truth in my life. In doing that, I have trusted many untrustworthy people. That is par for the course. Many wonderful people have come in as well.
I have become much more selective. Just like on FaceBook, keeping my "Friends" numbers down, so do I in life. I prefer intimacy. I like getting to know a person, I don't understand constant adding.
I understand in this networking age it is necessary but I wonder, how many friends can you possibly have or need? If you have two or three in life that are really  close,  you are lucky.
What does adding on do, when it is not for business? How will you ever have true intimacy in your life, if you don't slow down long enough to just talk? I may be very simple, but that is how I always have thought.I want to take time with just a few, my friends. I had a lifetime of being spread too thin.  It doesn't make you, or your other friends feel valued.

I am slowing down. Weeding out. Enjoying the ride. Conserving my energy. Finding my greatest passion. Loving the people who are in my life, with all my heart...... and showing it.
Everything is alright. I am ready to be where I am now~ because I say so. Feels so good.