With This Ring

I don't think we could possibly have known what we were getting into. I always asked Raym if he would still have married me,  if he had known all that he does today. What he was really getting into. He always smiles and gives me a hug. Says even more. Hmmm.. How could I not be crazy about this man?
When you get married, you have star dust in your eyes on that day. It really is just a Wedding Day.
Ours was a painful one at that. We didn't have any parents rooting for us. Mine didn't come to our Wedding. His mom came, but that was no great shakes. His brother stood in front of the make shift bar,
shielding his body from the alcohol, for what? So we couldn't get our booze on?
I was twenty two, marrying the man of my dreams, and this mo' fo' was blocking the vino.
 Uncomfortable. Welcome to Raym's  family. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law both wore the same
cream colored dress as me.  Cool. Feeling special already. Isn't the bride supposed to be wearing that?
Just asking? If my sisters weren't there to help me, I think I would literally have died.

It was the most beautiful, and loneliest day of my life. I knew I had met the man of my dreams, who I would be with, through good times and bad, sickness and  health. My bro walked me down the aisle.
That was very difficult. I didn't want him to, but he felt obligated, since my parents wouldn't come.
It was truly a nice gesture. I just had issues of my own with it. I  didn't invite most of my friends,
because my mother was ashamed of me. Second marriage, out of the church. First one to be divorced in the family. I was a lot of firsts in the family. Writing brings up a lot..... of feelings.
Time to have a clean body, let it rip. Wow, I didn't realize how much this hurts to write about.
Raym and I have been like the song, You And Me Against The World," for so long. I forget that we are finally free. It is time to lay it down. This is in my power now. I recognize this as I write.
It burns. It needs to be felt to be freed. Believe me I have felt it, just today with  empathy for two crazy kids who dared to be in love.

When Raym told his mom we were living together, she disowned him. She took the only thing he had left, HER. She made him choose. I decided to tell my mom the truth and not lie, as I had in the past when I left home at sixteen. As if she didn't know. She just never asked. Easier that way.
So I told the truth, I wanted to start fresh. She wouldn't step foot in our home, until we got married.
Forgiveness comes in stages. It has helped to see her not repeat things she has done to me,
with my siblings. I hope she has learned not going to her child's wedding she can never take back, ever.
I have always wanted a fairytale wedding....... STILL. There was so much pain that day.

So much beauty in those few moments on the altar when I looked in my new husbands eyes.
The rest was just getting through. I am sad to say that, but the lack of support from our parents not being
able to put their differences aside. No matter what I have gone through with my sisters, I knew that day
they had my back. Incredibly important to me.

I don't think I am  too old to have my Cinderella Moment.
I would love to know we are surrounded by love. Wished well. Cherished. Somethings never change
in ones heart when shame was the center of an event. I had nothing to be ashamed of.
I wore the Scarlet Cloak of my Mothers  judgement on my Wedding Day. She decided, I let her decide.
I did not know who I was. I was twenty two year old.  I had made a mistake, marrying the first time at eighteen. For one reason~to leave home, to prove someone would love the truly unlovable me.
It was not rocket science. Just a prayer that I wasn't the monster I had conjoured  so vividly  in my head for so many years. Somebody, anybody prove me wrong. I made a foolish young girls mistake.
I had found my heart, my love. It was unreal to me that so little love would come our way, on
this~ Our Wedding Day.  It is time we really turn that around in a big way.  Once on our 10th we had a party. Our 25th we renewed our vows. That was so touching. Our children were there. It was amazing to be surrounded by their pure love. I don't know if it is a pipe dream to have a Fairy Tale wedding.
Even so, it is my pipe dream. He is my love. I still wish for it. Maybe it will come to pass.
With this ring, all these years later......... I still would play~ ThroughThe Eyes of Love ~again.