The Gift

Yesterday will be one of those days, moments in my life that will be forever etched in my heart.
I could not even sit down to write. I needed time to let myself enjoy the magic. Let it sink in.


The gift. My husband and I drove down towards the Beach and had lunch in a small quaint town.
We realized how long it had been since we had slowed down for JUST US.
Tension unwound and flew off us as we sat in this wonderful cafe. We drank in the atmosphere.
Our tanks felt full, our hearts light and like children ready to explore we were off.
It had been an awfully long time since either of us had felt like this.


A few stores were interesting, but when we rounded the corner my eye caught this old fashioned
life size Santa, I just KNEW. My heart was racing and I couldn't walk in the store fast enough.
It was exactly how I wanted it to be, needed it to be. Very rustic, old time Christmas feeling.
Very Americana. What I always long for. Not a cut out paper thin version- made in China to fall apart the next day.
I may be dating myself or a sentimental fool, but I liked when things were REAL. Didn't fall apart. Had value.

The two sisters who ran the store could not have been more charming. Warm, welcoming- as if it were their home, welcoming us in from the cold. My heart was feeling things I could not yet understand.


Then I looked up. The tears came. I could not control myself, nor did I try. I knew I was in a moment of life:
a Twilight Zone Episode. This episode was just for ME. I didn't want to miss one second of it. I had seen this vision, this moment in my head so many times since I was a child. It was now staring down flying across the entire wall at me.


Santa, sleigh and all his reindeer, bigger than life. i couldn't breathe. I just sat on a stool in front of them and sobbed.
With all the pent up tears of a child who had stopped dreaming so long ago. I had kept this vision, which I had seen as a child on a
roof. It was the most beautiful sight I could possibly imagine. Here it was. The darling store owner said it was for sale.

My husband has always known that ache in my heart, throughout the years. He sat with me as I wept, as did the sisters. They shared their story of their parents dying recently. I felt their pain and loss. They supported and loved me by ALLOWING me to re-connect with the child in myself from so long ago.. It was one of those golden moments in life.

The generosity of spirit in these two beautiful women, allowing me to claim what I lost so long ago. My husband's
constant and unwavering support. i felt like s a child in that moment. Kissed and embraced by Angels.

I felt the pieces of me returning. I realized what I had grown up with. Hopelessness. The Dream Stealers.
Not intentionally.Yet all dreams had to be snuffed if Momma Bear didn't get hers. I could breathe.I couldn't stop crying, but I felt over 40 years of hopelessness and lack of dreams DRAIN out of my heart. I felt less anger for The Dream Stealers.

Yet I realize more than ever I need to move forward for myself and my family. i have a lot of years and dreams to live.
Most important, I have my giant Santa and Reindeer with Sleigh to hang across the wall. It's too fragile now to go on the roof.
I think it makes me even more gleeful to have them all together hanging in my home.


I am HOME. It is a Merry Christmas. And I have always believed in Santa even if I did it in secret. He has been deep in
my heart. This is my new tradition for my family that I love and hold so dear.