Until you open that closet door - any door for that matter. One's that hold untold stories no longer belonging
in our minds, our hearts. Outdated- like boogie men under the bed. Making it hard to be free and able to show
up for the "now" part of our lives.
Last night I spent the evening with one of my closest friends. This very subject came up about things that have lingered in the closet having haunted us both from our childhoods. However, this was not just figuratively, it was literally
as we retold stories from our youth.
Stories of DEEP shame. Especially as my dear friend recalled an incident from her past where she was humiliated.
Publicly displayed, mocked for all to see, judge by her peers. No child should have to recall such pain. I have told my friend my deepest wounds of shame. The one's that have lurked so deep dark in the back part of my closet. No mans land. She has listened to my pain. My helplessness.She has helped give a VOICE to my shame.
.
We are learning to trust each other coming from similar backgrounds. Both of us in our youth, having felt like loveless children. Invisible.Not worthy of touch, comfort-knowing we had value.
Together we are learning how to build a bridge of love and trust, not only in the good times ESPECIALLY in the bad ones.
From growing up with similar stories we are like babes in the woods. We know how to love , yet we never had a solid example from either of our mothers how to keep a friendship going in the rough times. We struggle in those times. We flounder, have abandoned ship.Wedid not know any other way.
We have always loved each other, never been a doubt. Now we are learning the true art of support.
Even and especially when we disagree, get scared. Fill in the blanks. We are trusting that we will be loved unconditionally.
That is a very new concept, a new land for us. I must say the navigation of this new land seems to be not as bumpy as feared.
I am enjoying the ride immensely. I can't wait for all the new sights to see with her.
I've missed my friend. The more we take the secrets out of the back of the closet, the the more we are free.The way I see it, our lives are just beginning. We are ready to play, my friend and me!
so true what you write, Clare, that opening and trusting and telling stories. I have a friend from highschool that has been reading my stories,
ReplyDeletekeep taking the secrets back,
Thanks Jenn, it's funny the stories are just tumbling out, the words, emotions. Support is everything. Like you, I write because I write. I have since I was 14. Yet now, it is so different. The freedom that is and has come from not keeping secrets.Lurking. i was very affected by the beautiful words, poetry on pink that you wrote recently. It was the one I heard YOU. Jenn. I wanted to hug you. I feel bonded in ways that get to the heart of it very quickly with you. The similarities we have shared. I know you are strong. i am here, I love you and I am not going anywhere. Your friend, who is so grateful for YOU. Clare
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