I Have Changed

I don't know if I want to be your friend anymore...... I have changed and you don't really want to. I thought you did. Really, I listened to your words..... your actions tell another story.

We are not the same. I will no longer listen to you telling me that we are. This right I have earned on my own.... hard earned. I am my own person. I just figured that out! I stake my claim, it is mine. I will not go back into the dark cave I came out of... for you or anyone else.

It is no longer my responsibility for the steps you take, or don't. Two steps forward one step back. That worked for me. The no steps is what did me in. I don't want too pretend anymore.

The burden on my soul is too great. My hearts just not in it.

It drains me and takes me to places I can no longer afford to linger in. Darkness and fear and

drafty hallways. I am ready to bask in the sunshine..... drink in all that bright light. I am more than okay with whatever choice you make in life for yourself. I get it now. It took me a little while to understand. You hide things so magnificently...... I did not see the whole picture. Bit by bit. What a relief to let go and finally understand. This is what you really wanted all along. It was me who didn't, wouldn't look. If you really wanted a different life you would be actively pursuing it. I feel a pressure coming off me. I wasn't listening. You gave me all the clues. I think both of us will breath a lot easier now.We have differences how we view life. Cool. Let's just agree to disagree. I love that!

I accept what is important to you...... but it's not what rocks my world.

My family, my husband, building a constant bridge..... is what will always be my number one.

You are kind and loving. I just can no longer be on your time table. My clock is finally ticking.

I need to claim my life. Every step I have taken has been built from quick sand..... that I alone have had to turn into a concrete foundation.

I love you, but am no longer willing. It is not healthy for either of us. This is finally a love letter to me. To my darling Raymond. To my incredible Matthew and Katie. Sorry it has taken mama

so long to catch on. The light switch is blarin bright. We all deserve more. Follow the leader.

I don't think so. Time to stand up and be counted. I am standing on my tippy toes so I can pretend I am 5'5. that's some serious perching.

Your mamas on a reinvention campaign. So is your wife, Raym. I vow to be the leader I was meant to be. No more hiding. I will lead myself, even and especially when scared.

I dedicate myself to listening to my own voice, thoughts. Asking for help..... good sound help..... when I need it. I honor myself and my family. I love all of us. We're a team.