To Forgive is Divine

To be forgiven...... truly forgiven to your soul is the greatest gift.....to  be given or received.
I have been lucky enough to receive such grace in my life. It has been a long road  to hear that freedom bell ring. To hear the clarity, the true sound ......... when you hear that perfect pitch.   Your heart and soul recognize  this all the way through. Mine came recently. It was actually a joint effort, which made the sound of those bells sounding all the sweeter. True understanding.... the layers had been stripped all the way through. We were in Cost Plus [ I told you... always in public these things come to me] looking at rugs or something. Raymond and me[my hubby].We  suddenly looked at each other as layers, years were flying off of us, faster than we could speak.  Years of not understanding each other in certain situations.... suddenly becoming crystal clear. The agony .... of not being able to love and support each other through each painful event. Mirroring one another.... as we looked in each others eyes. It was unbearable to see the pain coming out. We both held on so stubbornly to what we needed to believe. Instead of just seeing, hearing, feeling what the other person was experiencing at the time. It was so clear how deep our wounds were. How stuck we had been.... drowning in our own sea. We could not..... were not able to lend one another  an oar to row safely to shore. We had no tools in our tool box.... it was rusted shut.

The realization that we had no instruction book to help ourselves..... to forgive the "I" in our relationship
before there could be an "us." The judgement.... pain, pulling away. All  really directed at ourselves.
It was just so safe to attack, point the finger at each other. With that realization..... really did hit like a ton of bricks for both of us.  Just as soon.... the forgiveness came. The shame we both carried for so long began to lift.  It seemed as if we both stood up straighter immediately. What may have been deemed truly
unforgivable to another marriage..... or just a simple slight to yet another... was lifted for us.
The act of forgiveness....   no small act. The power it creates to change circumstance. Lift burdens.
We felt that we were both on a pretty good track after twenty six years of marriage. This humbled us to our knees. My love  for  this man .... who sat with me.. when I  felt like the most unlovable -unworthy human being. He would only hold me tighter.... dry my tears....tell me tomorrow would be brighter, just wait and see. He loved  me when I was terrified and pushed him away. He has taught me to embrace  the sides of me I have feared....run from for so long.   I was the beautiful flower he would see. I had to trust until my eyes  fully adjusted.

To know this act of forgiveness.... to my soul now frees me.  Knowing how deeply I once wounded him. What it has taken him to find his way back to me. We are different people now.
Not one of my prouder moments in life. There have been many moments where we have wounded each other. I am quite sure there will be more. That is part of the deal.... loving and learning. Forgiving.
He forgave.... not just forgave me for the deepest wound..... he came to me with understanding....... because he looked into his soul. He understood his behavior. That's when the bells chimed..... rang throughout the land...... we  really understood each others point of view.  To forgive..... truly is divine.