Old Days

Interesting how life is.  I have felt for so long there has been no going back for me ... to my past.
This week a very pleasant surprise came my way. I had emailed a grammar school friend I had not seen
well..... since eighth grade graduation. That would be just a few years ago. Make it about thirty five.
So hard to believe we were sitting in class together that long ago. The truth is..... we barely knew each other. I always thought he was the sweetest boy. Genuinely kind. Very quiet. I was very shy myself. The only real memory of us that had substance.....
was at Camp. We were  in sixth grade. I think there must have been some across the board
deal for all sixth graders to go to Camp. At Catholic School..... that was not the norm..... so we were all very excited. It was called Camp Colby in Angeles Crest Mountains. I remember very random facts from the old days. Odd.... nothing relevant......Now I can't remember where  my keys are.

I was in heaven up in the mountains. It seemed like a million miles away from home. That was definitely
a good thing.  To this day I remember my Camp Counselors name..... Terri. I have a picture of her...still.
I loved her so much. I feel that love well up inside my heart..... just thinking of her name.
She was so kind, warm, nurturing. As opposed to the sand paper touch of my mother...... Terri
was someone I did not want to let go of. I am sure she gave plenty of time and attention to all the campers.... but to my sixth grade mind it felt like we bonded. Maybe she saw a really sad, needy kid.
I don't know.... it's hard to say and I am not really sure it matters. I have been a parent for a long time now.... and I love those kind of kids I just described. It's just that it was me.

It was such a freeing experience to explore. One problem. Our battle axe  teacher Mrs De Noon.
Hag central. She was still there.... looming.... lurking.... evil. She was truly the most unkind teacher I ever known. She used to say to Teresa Girillo," Close your legs, the flies are attacking." "Get your snot rags off the desk." She was a peach. Can you imagine saying that to a kid in front of the whole class?
Cool. We used to have to say  oral book reports on Fridays. [Told you.... random freaky facts I remember]  I had an unbearable fear of public speaking [still do] as i am sure many kids did.
When it was my turn to go up to the front of the class, she would growl...... Gagliardi.
Death march would ensue. I literally would lose my voice.... full on laryngitis. She would make
me keep going as I cried in humiliation. I just stood there...... and would finally run out of the classroom.

She must have secretly wanted to be a nun. She had all the makings. Especially the cool breed we had.
Our fair beauty Sister Eileen.... how she was not at least runner up in a beauty contest  I'll never know.
With that big ol' hole chomped out of the tip of her nose...... those seductive as hell Cujo dog eyes that warmed you from afar. Hmmmm.... some pickins those gals. How those Padres stayed celebate.
Hard to know with those lovely ladies. They had an incredible way with children as well.
Soft lulling voices. They sounded like steam rollers  coming for you. They could eat metal for dinner....
and have it designed nice and pretty by desert. These were some scary, angry mamas.
Good times....definitely.

Back at Camp Colby..... and my young gentleman friend. Now my recollection was this.
I remember having to set the table for our class. Maybe it was dinner. Dan and I probably didn't utter many words to each other...... but I remember that I liked being near him. He felt safe, nice, kind.
That was more important than I could possibly understand at the time. I was already so disconnected
from my body, my emotions. He had a very quiet presence. It wasn't something I was used to.
It was calming to me. I didn't want that time to end. That was the most connected we ever were.
The interesting thing was..... I remembered it. Out of all of St. Lukes with him...... I remember that moment of setting the table. There was something that made sense about it. We didn't have the same friends in school.... ever. After eighth grade graduation.... I never saw him again. My parents still live in Temple City, so I would see the home he grew up in. I liked it..... and always wondered what happened to him.

This year was the year of connections for me. Getting on Face Book..... coming out of my shell.
It has been important to learn how to type and deal with electronics. I have lived in  the dinosaur age.....
ridden on the best of them. Have been so resistant to it all. Wow... what another world there is out there.....
and how hooked I have gotten. I am like a child with my new toys. Utube and music.
I had to hibernate  for some time..... catch my breath. Heal from old wounds. To be able to put the writing you are now reading out. ....get my courage up.That's some doing for me. I have hidden my writing for many years.
Just exposed it to the light of day in November for public consumption. That's a lot of years .....
considering I started at fourteen.... and am now forty eight. It takes what it takes. All in good time.
The greatest lesson I have learned..... you can't be where you aren't, I am just here. So glad to be.
Thrilled that Dan and I are getting past the setting the table stage at camp. Talking.... learning about each others lives. We actually aren't so terribly different. I have a feeling my hubby and him will be great friends.

I have learned a lot about myself through Dan. His compassion for  the kid in me ........that had none for myself. Learning I wasn't quite the extreme monster I saw every morning on my way to school.... he saw a human being. I like this starting over business. Push the reset button.... like I tell my kids.
Thanks Dan...my man. What a gift. I am so glad we are friends.