He

Whenever he is close, in that instance I feel him. The smile that creeps across my lips, at the mere thought of him. I've never understood the spell he casts on me. No one makes me laugh as he does. My face lights up when I am around him,  the warmth coming from such a deep place in my heart. He whispers something in my ear  holding me so tight..... I forget everything. Looking into my soul with those gentle blue eyes, it's over for me.  Outrunning them many a time I have tried, when he has gotten too close to my comfort zone. When fear has gripped me so tight,  strangling my senses, I push him so far away, frightened I will  never find my way back to him. As his voice calls to me with such strength, leading me back into the safety of all that is him.  He knows every wound from the girl/woman in me. My dark places I hide and run for cover as well as  my sunny days  that never end. He knows my rhythms and understands  it is all part of  what makes me... me.

As I relax my head and let it fall back into his chest, he runs his fingers through my hair. Stroking his artist fingers down my neck I begin to calm. He studies me with such trained eyes. I worry yet  again that I will not measure up to the dimensions of perfection that he paints. I know those eyes.....scanning every inch of me. I have to believe he sees  beauty, not the opposite through eyes of compassion and love. He assures me of his  contentment, what he sees he says he loves. This frightens me, as I close my eyes letting the tears flow. His healing words of passion, declaring a love he has never known in this lifetime. I repeat back to him the same words of love. I am filled with such humility to know he loves me... simply for me.

He calls to me, I cannot resist. I try. How can this be? Even when I am angry at him, saying unkind things he looks at me with those penetrating eyes and forgives me. He says the parts of my mother's unkindness are left over in me in warfare. My silence he begins to understand. It is not out of cruelty, the child in me  profoundly grieving, frightened. She has no way to speak. The shy girl still learning to become a woman needs prompting. He laughs about how proper I can be at times, in the next moment can't believe what a brazen daredevil I am. He understands having a mother  de- feminized her daughters kept me cautious....... he loves when I break loose with wild abandon.

He loves our children so passionately which makes me love him even more. How can I still love this man so much? I have known him since I was a girl of 20....... and want more of him. He fascinates me, enrages me, frustrates me, makes me laugh so hard with the wit and dry humor that disarms me. I am so obvious and easy. He makes me want to chase him like a school girl. He has walked through every part of life with me, I am stronger because of his love. 

We have known great joy and sorrow together. He is the one I chose.... as he chose me. My heart is opening more every day. Having him by my side I am a better me.I blossom with his artists eye each and every day. He is helping me see myself in a new light.He is the one I want to wake up with every morning. Lay my head down with at night. He has stolen my heart. He is my love, my best friend, he is my Raymond.