Gratitude

I have so much to say to the people I love and need in my life. Gratitude is a word that pops into my head. I am so grateful for being loved. Really loved. All the way inside where I hide from the world for fear that if you knew the real me you would run so far and fast I would never see you again. Loved for the way I put a blanket on my hubby when he is sleeping on the couch,

and tuck him in. I want to make every moment of that tuck felt...... as I wrap him like a burrito.

The gratitude I have for him.... working so hard for my family every single day. The warmth that

comes from his voice as he wakes me up in the morning, calling out to me,"Reesy your coffee

is ready, just the way you like it, half decaf." I don't know why that makes me giddy after all these years, but it does. Knowing he is waiting for me every morning to wake up and play, before he goes to work. Knowing there will always be a Lifetime movie we have seen 13,ooo

times, and he says he doesn't remember it. There is something so comforting about the coffee and the Lifetime 13,000 time watched shows with him. Because it's him.

Let's not start with the nicknames he calls me. That's his favorite thing.

He loves calling me Reesy. It has grown on me. Because he's calling me it.

I love my Raym. I smile when I think of him. He makes me laugh. He fills my heart.

He loves me, even when I want to abandon ship on myself. He listens to me talk until the cows come home. Even and especially when it is bed time I am like a hyper active irritating kid who wants to play. Let's talk, world events, except that's not my thing. Blah, blah, blah, as he is trying to have gentle slumber. Raym, are you asleep? A playful toss and movement to irritate

just enough." I am now, but in a bit I'll be talking in tongues soon." That's his signal for, don't have a hissy fit when I pass out and you are in the middle of your version of War and Peace. Hmmmm? I love this man who tolerates me and my interesting ways. Has taught me to love the sides of me that I thought were unlovable.

He has helped me find redemption in myself. I have so much gratitude for those I love and hold so dear. Matt who is so kind and patient and so very funny. He makes me laugh.

Matt teaches me time and time again about family. When I stray and get single minded,

he brings the family together, always. His love feels so strong, solid, no torrential

floods or hurricanes could challenge it. His wisdom seems so far beyond his

age, he just is. I am so proud of him, my love for him, it is truly indescribable.

He has stolen my heart even when we bicker and have misunderstandings, Like the true Leo,

Jungle Cats that we are. We roar at each other a little, purr a bit, lick our wounds, and

act cool. Period. Usually one of us cracks and we start laughing. We can't bear being mad at each other. We are very close, can feel each others emotions so strongly. It's even funnier when we try to

act like nothing is wrong. Oh, mercy! I love this boy so much, he makes me think...... he fills my heart. I want to be a better person just knowing him. If he wasn't my child he would still be one of my closest friends. He is something else. I feel so lucky to be his mom.

That Katie. She is one little ball of sunshine. She is like a little lamb. So cuddly and snuggly.

Even when she is 104 and I am 300 I will still hold her and she will be my little baby doll.

Then she needs her fierce independence like her mama. She brings sparkle and playfulness.

She would have disco balls all around our house if she could. She is playful, yet has a depth

that would surprise many. Only those close to her really know her. She does not let on.

Her art, writing, like Matt........ they both just blow me away with their creativity.

She brings out the girliness in me I never knew as a child. She teaches me that it is okay to feel pretty. Her confidence astounds me. Then she becomes a shy little girl. It is quite a combination of the two. Very beautiful to watch her blossoming.

I love watching her with her papa. It brings a great joy to my heart. I never tire of the sight of a girl with her father. She brings such joy to me this heart of mine.

This wonderful fabulous family of mine that I am so eternally grateful for. They teach me every day how to open my heart. Not to take myself and situations so seriously. Just want me to be present. That is the biggest one I am learning. Be here now. Quit ruminating about past people,

hurts, situations. It is insulting and painful to them. Those I loved, given so much energy, thought, time, heartache have long forgotten my pain. I have apologized to my family for my ignorance. For not seeing this clearly sooner.

My gift to them has come this evening as I write. I finally get what be here now means. I love them more than

words can express. These three have made me a better person. I have pushed myself to limits I never knew I could reach. Thinking of them when I felt like giving up, gave me strength. Thank you for loving me from the bottom of my heart. I am so grateful.