Billy's The Writer

The title of this story makes me laugh.... "Billy's The Writer".
But not long ago all I think I would do when I heard that is cry, take those words very seriously and  be surly. Ray is laughing sitting next to me, commenting that I am on fire that the keys are blazing.  It is because I can laugh, smirk, do jumping jacks, whatever and not trip about those words that ruled  my life and kept me from what I actually am fairly passionate about... WRITING.
Just to own that I am a writer has come in the past few months. I have been writing since I was thirteen.  But labels are labels, and when you take them seriously, they can shut you down. This label  from my mother that Billy, my brother,  was the writer in the family, well that was that.

I  had a very eccentric, cool "Aunt Mary" ( my Mom's Aunt)  with the best sense of humor who really seemed to "get" me. She had some flaming red hair and seemed ahead of her time.  My Mother held some anger at Aunt Mary for the way she felt she treated her Mother, so I am sure that when Aunt Mary showed me any attention or kindness this unglued my Mom. Just guessing here. But this Aunt was the only one who ever read my stuff in High School besides teachers who said it was any good, encouraged me. My Mom, when Aunt Mary or anyone else would show me any type of attention regarding my writing or otherwise, would loudly proclaim to all in earshot that Billy was the writer.... not me.

In High School I had two wonderful teachers who always encouraged me to write. But I let my mother get the best of me. I didn't listen to them, instead negativity- and let self doubt rule me.  I don't know why some people like to make others feel so small. What I do know, because of it.  I am better, stronger more self assured today. Having someone constantly playing against you, not building you up, challenging you, not for love ~ unkind reasons. It will either make you insane, which I did feel,  then something happens.
 If you surround yourself with enough love, truth, goodness, belief that this is not the way. It may take years.... it did. Finally one day you wake up.
We are all capable of finding our true path. Whatever, whoever that "thing"  has kept you stuck in fear. We all have  known, experienced this at some point .... the great equalizer in life.
We are not alone, not so different. Why can't Billy be the Writer, and Clare.... and Susie and Bobby.  Johnny be President and Mark be a Doctor and so it goes. Who decided what we can and can't be?  A person who possibly had their dreams squished out- became so bitter to pass it on to their kids. The bitter pill of hopelessness. Well bite me... or them.  No thank you. I do not accept nor pass it around the table.
My wish is for everyone to dream. To 2012  and  all the beautiful dreamers, everywhere.  My beautiful hubby says don't forget to include the doer's as well.
 Can I hear a hallelujah from the Choir.....