The Truth of The Matter

As a writer, getting to the truth of the matter, the heart, the meat of the subject is so important. Easier said than done. While thinking about this story,  I  just put away some hearty portions of waffles and sausage. Katie and I were chatting about it, were talking about what is normal and to whom? Every family  grows with their own norm, adapts  then steps out of childhood, hopefully untainted as possible. Some come out  more unscathed than others.

  Even writing this I find myself asking questions such as, " What is too much to bear, who wants to hear it, why, and is it important to anyone but me?" Perhaps all writers go through these emotions.     Layer by layer things become more apparent to me,  even if one person strips a layer, or says  that makes sense, I get that about my life.  I cannot tell you how uneasy I feel and want to eat more waffles and maybe some candy bars. I want to to call Raym and tell him to stop by 7- 11 on the way home. That seems to have been a coping skill when I am tripped, overloaded,  just can't deal with much more. Unfortunately it just isn't working too well anymore.

So I will just simply write as I have. The truth shall set you free. Well it has, but  it has hurt like a bitch. That's the part they don't give you in the handouts.... the aftermath of the truth.
The family I come from, stories I have written  about them. Yet for some reason I feel like I am letting out  The Vaulted Presidential Sealed Secrets. The Good Catholic Obediently Trained Girl Of Youth. Behave at all costs. Many can identify with this one  I am sure: What goes on behind closed doors.

Interestingly enough I never know where my words, or thoughts will take me. How I ended up with this one is so random. I do know it is tucked in deep where I no longer want it, deep in the pain reservoir. The year is ending. These are not mine to keep anymore in my mind, my heart, my spirit.    Owies that are in there and pop up at the most inopportune moments. Do I feel like they will never end at times, absolutely. But by denying where I come from, what has made me who I am, that only keeps me stuck.For those of us who grew up in environments that were unpleasant, we feel them,  do the best we can with each step we take, as we move forward in life.

Just because someone may tell me, every step along the way to leave the past in the  past ~ does not make it so until I am ready. Having respect for one's process, I have learned is the key to the greatest healing. Of course from the outside looking in we can always say,"Why don't they get it, see it, do it."
It it is all about walking in someone else's shoes, having patience, empathy and respect.  I battle with that daily for myself and others. Walking in someone else's shoes.   The more I am learning patience, compassion, empathy for myself, the walk fills me with lightness.