I watched such beautiful eyes twinkle and light the room up. My heart was swept up in a joy that it has not known. The true joy of giving without expectation. Writing this fills me with the warm memories of earlier this afternoon. I felt like Santa with my car filled with bags for children waiting to be delivered. The excitement was building in me to reach each destination. I did not want to eat lunch,
I simply wanted to arrive. The eyes I speak of in the beginning of this story are ones that I love so much. Today was Doctors Office Day. I dropped off gifts for all the wonderful girls, nurses, receptionists, and Doctors who have been so instrumental in my life. Restoring me .... back to me.
The last stop is the stop that affected me the most. My dear Doctor who I have known nine years.
Because of her, I am as whole as I am today. Love. She has infused me with her love. I walked in her office nine years ago a broken person. No life in me, lost, depression was an understatement. I weighed a good 30 pounds more I am sure. Black sweat pants were my uniform every day. This Angel Of Mercy broke through my bullshit, my rage, my fear, my armor, my profound confusion and loss. Month after month she explained the story of me. Bit by bit helped me understand the why's and I had so many.
Why ... Why Why? She comforted me, she took ridiculous amounts of time with me and through it all, I became a person I am proud of. I could let go of the things that kept me living in the shadows of fear and darkness. I came out of the nightmare I had been living.
Today I sat across from her, eye to eye. I could finally see the love for me she has expressed. The work we have done together, the roads we have taken , treacherous and unbearable at times.
Push, pull.... until finally year after year, it jelled. My love for her is immeasurable. My respect, I have no words. This goes so beyond Doctor/ Patient. My life works~ because one person took the time to see value in this wounded sparrow. Saw there were possibilities and knew the road to take and how get there. I did not. When I think of how God works.... I think of her face. The face of love.
Merry Christmas Doc. I will love you forever.... and then some.
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